Little Black Dress

Ever since Coco dared to thumb her nose at pastels and Audrey stepped out for a monochromatic breakfast, a woman without the perfect LBD is like … well … a 40-ish man without a sports car.

It’s like having a midlife crisis and being trapped in your closet. At the same time.

Each time I’ve needed a little black dress life grinds to a halt at DEFCON 1. I’ve bought, returned, altered, worn and donated at least 50 since achieving adulthood, all in pursuit of finding “the one.” Lace, satin, crepe wool, cotton, jersey, rayon, chiffon. Sheath, shift, A-line, wrap,  v-neck, boat neck, sleeveless, quarter sleeves, capped sleeves, long sleeves. Beaded, sequined, fringed, tiered, slit, simple. Ankle, mid-calf, below the knee, above the knee, well above the knee. I liked something about each one, but never truly loved any of them.

And then my search for the quintessential cocktail dress that showed just enough leg, décolletage and delivered exactly the right body shaping characteristics suddenly became a search for something different.

Little Black Dress? Meet Widow’s Weeds.

In the midst of everything I was suddenly faced with the stark reality that I needed the penultimate little black dress. Something classic yet current. Something befitting the collision of youth, the maturity of motherhood and the wreckage of love interrupted. Surrounded by friends that gently propelled me through the motions of a search I once found irritating and now faced with ambivalence and dread, my fingers moved listlessly through the racks until I found it. Simple, black and loose enough to conceal the increasingly gaunt figure beneath. And like all the rest that came before, I didn’t love it. I despised it.

It hangs quietly in the corner, a relic that I loathe the idea of relinquishing. I’ve worn it since, always in respect and sadness and oddly comforting in its discomfort. Tomorrow I will wear it once again to remember and pay my respects to a man I did not know.

And to honor the woman in the little black dress standing silent and proud before him.

By: Rebecca Stenholm, Survivor

This blog was originally published in Rebecca’s blog: Teetering on the Edge of a Glass Half Full

The Rainbow Connection

“There’s a thunderstorm inside me. But sometimes it’s only raining.”

Outside, the rain has been falling all day. Dark and gloomy, we’ve stayed happily inside and done what families do on lazy, rainy, chilly Sundays.

But inside our home it has been falling for years. The raindrops are fewer and farther between, falling less like shards of glass and more like snowflakes that vanish at the first touch of warmth. But tonight, like so many nights since autumn fell, her eyes have grown cold and stormy as night draws close.

Of all the gifts we gave her, it is her eyes that I cherish most.

The color of hazelnuts ripening, they sparkle and grow warm with laughter. They glint sharply with the fiery nature that is both inspiring and infuriating. And like quicksand, you sink slowly and helplessly into them when they are dark with sadness. Like windows to her soul they reveal the damage left after the storm, the raw edges that have healed and those wounds still open and weeping.

Listening to the sound of the rain hitting the pane, I watch her little hands angrily rub away the tears that have broken free. She tells me about the color of her heart when sadness shuts it down and the color when it is not shut down. She tells me about the blackness inside, and the rain that falls, and of all the sadness that won’t go away. She tells me that it isn’t fair that her Daddy died, and that it isn’t fair that it is for me alone to keep them safe, and she wonders who will take care of me and keep me safe.

Tonight the thunderstorm has broken free.

“Sweetheart, I know about the thunderstorm and the rain. It’s inside me, too. And every time the storm gets really bad and it feels like it will never stop raining, I try really hard to remember one thing.”

“What’s that?”

Brushing back the gently curling hair that is my gift to her, I fight a smile as she reaches to do the same for me.

“That there’s always a rainbow after the rain. Even when we can’t see it, it’s there. And someday it won’t rain as much, and the thunderstorm will go away. And when that happens, that’s when you’ll see your rainbow.”

“What if it doesn’t have lots of colors in it?”

“It’s your rainbow – it can have as many colors as you want.”

By: Rebecca Stenholm, Survivor

This blog was originally published in Rebecca’s blog: Teetering on the Edge of a Glass Half Full

Most Wonderful Time of the Year

The holidays are upon us and plans for celebrations and get-togethers are being made. Gifts are being purchased and decorations are going up and Christmas music is being played in the stores. And a song we will hear often claims that “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.” For a lot of people this is a true statement. For many, it is not. Especially for those who have suffered through the loss of a loved one this year or last. Maybe even from many years ago. The absence, the loneliness, the hollowness that can come from the loss can be overwhelming. Almost paralyzing. Especially when it comes to the holidays.

In Arizona we have lost 9 heroes in the line of duty in 2011, and countless others have been lost off duty. Heroes who wore a badge to protect us. These heroes had family and friends and loved ones who will be spending their first holiday season with a hole. A big hole. Hugs lost. Smiles missing. An empty seat at the dinner table. Some will just want to skip it all together. The burden seems unbearable. The hole too deep. The loss too big. The question of “why” is still too fresh.

As we begin a season of meals and celebrations and get-togethers with our family and friends, will you take the time to remember the spouses, the children, the moms and dads, the loved ones who are spending their first holiday season with a family member missing? If you offer a prayer before a meal, would you lift up these hurting families? And as you enjoy this season of sharing with family and friends, would you take a moment to remember the men and women who gave their life to protect you? And remember those who are on duty during your celebration keeping you protected and safe.

 

By: Danny Dodson
100 Club Chaplain’s Program

Giving Thanks

Happy Thanksgiving! It’s hard to believe that the holiday season is already upon us. If you are like us, many of you may look forward to Thanksgiving because it means the ultimate holiday meal, the return of Starbucks holiday themed drinks and, of course, Black Friday! With so many “things” to look forward to, it can be easy to forget the real purpose of Thanksgiving – even if it stares us in the face every time we see it – which is to give thanks.

We have a lot to be thankful for at the 100 Club this year: thankful that we have been able to help 130 first responders and their families in their time of need, thankful that 63 of Arizona’s future leaders are one step closer to their career goals because of a 100 Club scholarship, thankful that our supporters have continued to show their appreciation for public safety even during difficult economic times, thankful that the community has continued to support us with more than 100 events benefiting us throughout the year, and infinitely thankful that we have a dedicated group of volunteers to make those events possible.

As you and your family gather around the table for a Thanksgiving meal, grateful for another year together, take a moment to think about those who help keep you safe – the men and women behind the badge who are on the streets, sacrificing time with their own families, to ensure that you have a safe and happy holiday with yours.

It’s a great feeling to have someone tell us that we made a difference in their lives. Has a first responder made a difference in your life? Maybe an officer who responded to a call for help or maybe a firefighter who came to your rescue on the scene of an accident. Or perhaps your spouse, dad, brother, daughter or mother is a first responder who taught you lessons you’ll never forget through their service. Please take a moment and leave a post as a thanks to first responders everywhere.

Thank you for your continued support!

The 100 Club Staff

Paying it Forward

This post was originally published on the Blog of a 100 Club Supporter, Maddy Rose.

“Last night I had the privilege of meeting Maddy Rose. Maddy is 13 years old and an amazing young lady. She won a BBQ themed basket (which was made by her mother, Jenifer Anseth from MR Designs & Gifts) in a raffle at a networking event I was attending. Maddy thought it would be a great idea to auction off this basket so that she could raise some money for a charity that she supports, the 100 Club of Arizona.

I really didn’t know what the 100 Club was, so I listened as Maddy told us that it was a non-profit organization that supports firefighters and police officers and their families. Coming from a family of firefighters, I was intrigued. When she mentioned that the 100 Club supports the families of fallen firefighters, my heart skipped a beat. I bid on the basket, and won. (I did ask Maddy if the basket came with a single fireman, but bummer, it didn’t!)

When Maddy presented me with the basket I asked her about this organization and how she chose to support it. I thought she would have firefighters or police officers in her family. She said that she didn’t. She told me about how she looked at many non-profit organizations and went to the bottom of the list she was reviewing. She thought that going to the bottom of the list and choosing something from there may help an organization that is not so well known or supported. Her and her family researched the 100 Club and Maddy decided that this was the organization she would stand for. I was practically in tears at this point. Such an amazing young girl with such a passion for contribution.

I told Maddy about my family of firefighters. My grandfather, father, three brothers, a brother-in-law, and a nephew are or were New York City Firefighters. I also have three nephews that are volunteer firefighters that are waiting to get on the NYFD. The reason this touched me so deeply is because my brother Eddie, who was a NYFD Chief, was the person in New York that planned every funeral for fallen firefighters for years. Eddie volunteered to do this because he wanted to show respect to the firefighters and their families and make sure that the families were cared for. I lost my brother Eddie and my brother-in-law Tommy on September 11th. One of my brothers helped plan many of the funerals or memorial services that took place following 9/11. What really hit home for me is that the families of fallen firefighters and police officers from 9/11 have been well taken care of by a “world” community, yet the families of the fallen heroes after 9/11 do not receive this type of support. That is what the 100 Club of Arizona does. Through Maddy Rose, I found an organization that provides comfort and support to people that truly deserve it. I did not even know this organization existed until now.

Maddy has been selling artwork that she creates to raise funds for the 100 Club. I not only love her passion for giving back, I love that her passion connected me with my brother in an amazing way last night. Thank you Maddy Rose – and thank you to all of the firefighters, police officers and their families for your service to all of us. I am grateful to the 100 Club for the difference they make in people’s lives.”

By: Maureen Geraght
Contributing Author

Our Motto

I really like the motto that we use at the 100 Club of Arizona. “Standing behind the men and women who stand behind the badge.” Not because it is catchy or because it is the very best branding that has ever come along. I like it because it is true and I like it because it is what caring people do.  In the simplest of terms for me, I like it because of the word “stand.”

We all go through difficult times. Life is messy. It can be filled with pain and disappointment. No person is immune to the frustration and heartache that comes with living. It is just a fact of life. I have had my fair share of difficult periods in life. Some of them I brought upon myself. Most of them just happened. But I have survived them all up to this point. Not necessarily because I am that strong of a person or that dedicated or disciplined. I have made it through the difficult times up to this point because of …. well, because of “stand.”

I had a football coach in my school days who said to us over and over. “In this game you will get knocked on your backside. It will happen a lot. Here is what I want you to do. Every time you get knocked on your backside …. Stand! Just stand. And every time you see one of your teammates get knocked on their backside, go help them up and stand there with them. You will be a whole lot better if you stand together.”

There is a passage of Scripture that has come to mean a lot to me over the years of my life. Ecclesiastes 4:12 says, “… a cord of three strands is not easily broken.”  I am here today because of friends who have stood beside me, behind me, in front of me and with me in the difficult times. They stand with me and I stand with them. Together we are better and stronger.

I’d like to think that our law enforcement personnel and first responders are stronger because of the 100 Club of Arizona. In fact, I do think that is true. “Standing behind the men and women who stand behind the badge.” Will you stand with us to make the 100 Club of Arizona stronger for them?

By: Danny Dodson
100 Club’s Chaplain Program

One Great Question

We just finished with 9/11 weekend and the special remembrances of what our nation lost a decade ago. Our world has changed. And that change has come at a faster pace than ever before. We now recognize vulnerabilities where before we never gave thought. We have watched as family, friends, neighbors and co-workers have gone to other lands to defend our freedom and strike back at terrorism. It all plays out for us in an instant thanks to the internet. Our vocabulary has changed with words like “Homeland Security,” “War on Terror,” “Jihad,” and “Freedom Fighter” becoming common. The convenience of travel has become inconvenient. United States and world history have forever been altered. In all the presentations and memorials, the gatherings big and small, the football games and sporting events of the past few days; over and over I heard the familiar Star Spangled Banner sung time after time. Each presentation was unique. Most stirred emotions deep. But one line of that great song by Francis Scott Key stood out to me like never before. Though I have heard and sung that song hundreds, if not a thousand times. “Oh, say does that Star Spangled Banner yet wave, o’er the land of the free and the home of the brave?”

One question. One great question. Does that flag still wave over the land of the free and the home of the brave? “Yes.” A thousand times “yes!” It does still wave. No matter what was lost on that tragic day ten years ago. No matter what we have had to endure, put up with, change or alter. Our flag still waves. Our people are still free. And America is still the home of the brave!

By: Danny Dodson
100 Club Chaplain’s Program

Scholarship Successes

 

My Dad, Phoenix Fire Captain Steve Franklin, and Me in San Diego

One of the biggest questions I get asked when I tell people where I work is: “How did you first hear about the 100 Club?” As a child, I had never heard of the organization or the amazing work it provided to families of public safety everywhere. Even growing up in a public safety – fire – family, I hadn’t heard of the great things going on for people in families like mine. My family was fortunate enough to never gone through a public safety tragedy like so many families have. I didn’t really think that my dad might be in danger when he went to work – I always just waited for him to come home, smelling of leather and smoke. And after 24 or 48 hours, without fail, he always did.

In 2007, when I was 17, I graduated from Mountain Ridge High School one semester early and began attending Glendale Community College. My route to college was along 67^th Avenue, as I came from north of Happy Valley Road. I remember it clearly when the funeral precession of Officer Anthony Holly had closed off 67^th from CCV church and blocked my route to school that day in February. I was forced to pull over and wait as the line of motors, patrol cars, and fire trucks drove by in memoriam of the officer who was fatally shot while performing a routine vehicle stop. There were literally lines of people who had camped out in lawn chairs or the back of their pick-up beds waiting to watch the precession. Many of these people were in tears. Even though I really knew nothing about Anthony, aside from what I’d heard on the news, I couldn’t help but tear up too.

Me with Sharon at the 2008 Scholarship Ball

Just a few short weeks later, my Dad, a Captain on the Phoenix Fire Department, forwarded me an email sent to all agencies about scholarships through this organization, the 100 Club of Arizona. That is when I started doing the research to find out more about the 100 Club, and what they did for public safety, first responders, and their families. I figured I might as well give it a go, and I applied for the scholarship. Turns out, that was a great decision. I received a scholarship for the 2007-2008 school year, and two more scholarships the following school years. In total, the amount of funds I received from the 100 Club was $11,000. In 2009, I received the Anthony Holly Memorial Scholarship for $5,000. When Sharon Knutson-Felix called me to tell me directly about the scholarship I was receiving and the significance it held, I was humbled. I remembered that day, watching as the funeral precession drove by, and the impact he made in the Glendale community. Knowing that his named foundation was providing me with funds for continuing education was truly an amazing feeling.

The ball is just a few short months away, and I hope that this year’s recipients are as honored and humbled as I was each year. Even though I was at first naïve to what the 100 Club was, I now know that the mission behind the organization is so powerful, and impacts so many lives in ways that I had never imagined it would. It impacted my life – paid for some of my schooling, and even provided me a job once school was done. The 100 Club has also given me a new extended family of all the public safety officers and firefighters in Arizona. I have a newfound connection with this community, and that is thanks to the links that the 100 Club has built.

Me graduating from ASU, with thanks to the 100 Club

I hope that you will all consider going to this year’s Ball and supporting those young students with bright futures ahead of them. Some of them will follow in the footsteps of their parents, and perhaps will go into a career in public safety. Others will impact the world in different ways, through politics or medicine. But all of them will be great no matter what their future holds, because they are all people who stand behind the men and women standing behind the badge.

For more information on this year’s Ball, please click here. I hope to see you all there.

By: Ciara Franklin
100 Club Media and Marketing Manager

The Strength of Silence

Silent Heroes.

He raised his hand silently in acknowledgement as the steady, powerful cadence of his pedal strokes carried him past me. Beads of sweat ran down his forearms and while he never turned to look at me, I know he was intently aware of me and everything else around him. I watched as he climbed the hill ahead, the rose and badge icon of the Unity Tour cycling jersey fading in the distance. He did not know me. I did not know him.

But that’s the point, isn’t it?

First responders silently touch our lives every day. They stand proud in heavy uniforms when others would wilt under the weight and the heat. They move bravely forward when others would retreat. Highly trained and equipped, their greatest strength comes from within themselves and the bond they share as a unit, a department, an agency, and a calling.

These men and women who serve us and our communities every day are so much more than the uniform they wear. You stand beside them in line at the grocery store and the coffee shop, the unmarked black shirt and BDUs recognizable only to those who wear the uniform or to those that stand behind someone who does. You sit beside them at recitals, games and band performances. They coach your children, and you coach theirs. Their uniforms transform them, but to the ones that love them, wait up for them, run to them at the door with stories from the playground, and who fall asleep beside them they are heroes simply because they are ours.

My husband once told me that if anything were to happen to him, we would not be alone. The pride in his voice was unmistakable when he spoke of the first responders he was proud to call his peers and friends, of the 100 Club of Arizona and of the bonds of pride, duty, friendship and compassion that bind the two together. He knew that this community of heroes would stand for us, beside us and in front of us. I look back on that passing conversation – a young man reassuring his bride – with painful perspective. It was a conversation never meant to be realized.

But it was.

Overnight my world changed and the man that promised me a lifetime was gone, and in his place stepped the blue line that he vowed would keep me from falling. They were there from the very first moment, and they remain there today. And standing behind them was the 100 Club, just as he said they would be. It is a visit you never want and yet it is one that you instinctively welcome and need. I don’t remember the conversation that day and I would not recognize the man who brought the 100 Club to my doorstep, but over the past two years the 100 Club has returned again and again in support and as friends.

And that is simply because the 100 Club quietly, like the men and women it stands behind, brings so much more. What is remarkable about this quietly powerful organization is that its mission crosses that line to support first responders and their families in both line-of-duty and non-line-of-duty deaths, for injuries catastrophic and those that are not, and in times of illness and hardship. It is a network of support, from the writing of wills and financial counseling to volunteer opportunities and events dedicated to building even stronger bonds between first responder families.

Through the 100 Club, I have had the privilege of meeting exceptional individuals, all heroes in their own right. An inspiring young man seeking his Eagle Scout badge, whose father serves with the Scottsdale Police Department, reminded me that honor and commitment are not defined by age and experience. Remarkable women – left behind because lingering illness changed their lives, because the pressure simply became too heavy a burden to bear, because tragedy strikes unexpectedly, and because their spouses did not come home from their shift – have shown me that loss is universal. The smiles and laughter of children – the legacies of fallen first responders – remind me that it is not how we suffer loss.

It’s that we suffer loss at all.

That conversation so many years ago and the waves of support from the blue line and the 100 Club of Arizona remind me that heroes touch our lives every day. And it is our privilege and responsibility to stand behind them.

By: Rebecca Stenholm

Rebecca Stenholm is the surviving spouse of Phoenix Police Officer Jim Stenholm, who was lost in a non-line-of-duty death on October 24, 2008. Each year on the anniversary of his passing, a 62-mile bike ride celebrates his memory and all first responders. All proceeds support programs for the families of fallen first responders through the 100 Club of Arizona.

Memorials in May

It has been a busy and difficult month.

The first day of May brought us tragic news of the death of Buckeye Officer Rolando Tirado and the shooting of his partner, Officer Christopher Paz. The officers stopped a SUV in South Phoenix to question three suspicious persons. A shootout began, leaving Officer Tirado dead and Officer Paz severely injured. Their heroism is truly something to be proud of, and we thank both of them for their service and dedication to the job.

Executive Director Sharon Knutson-Felix delivered a $15,000 line of duty benefit check to his family the following day, just before we were all brought to the 38^th Annual Peace Officers Memorial Service for a beautiful remembrance of the officers we lost in 2010. It is always hard to revisit the pain of losing someone we love, and it is no easier to come face to face with the families of those who dedicated their lives to public safety and law enforcement. The sadness during this ceremony was most certainly felt amongst each guest there, but we were proud to have been a part of this annual ceremony and think of it as a time to celebrate the lives of those that paid the ultimate sacrifice. View a video of the ceremony here.

The month continued on with National Police Week in Washington, D.C., and all of the ceremonies and activities that go along with it. Our Programs Manager, Angela Harrolle, brought her two young children to Washington to remember their dad, Bruce, whose name was carved on the memorial wall in 2009 after he lost his life rescuing stranded hikers in 2008. Her children love going back each year, as they spend time in a youth “camp” talking with counselors, playing games, and meeting other kids who lost one of their parents as well.  After last year’s visit, young Addison, then 6, remarked “I liked my counselor because she lost her daddy too.” That was all it took for Angela, and she couldn’t think of not bringing them every May for years to come. Not to say that they fully understand the purpose of each activity throughout the week, here’s a picture of Justice Harrolle, 4, asleep during the usually heartbreaking Candlelight Vigil.

While hundreds of thousands of families were in Washington, D.C. remembering their loved ones, two more brave officers of the law were taken from us. On May 12, two U.S. Border Patrol Agents were killed in their SUV when it collided with a train near Gila Bend, Ariz. It was hard to swallow the news that we lost two more within 12 days since Officer Tirado was killed.  Agents Hector Clark and Eduardo Rojas both left behind families, wives and two young children, one a newborn just two weeks old. Sharon drove to Yuma on Friday, May 13 to deliver $15,000 line of duty death benefit checks to both of the families.

We recently realized that Buckeye Officer Tirado donated to the 100 Club on a monthly basis out of his paycheck. Who knew that the money he gave would end up benefiting his own family? We are fortunate to have people, like Officer Tirado, share our passion for helping and support our mission. Thus far, we have paid out more than $125,000 in benefits and programs in May alone; including injury benefits to numerous officers and firefighters, and benefits to families of those who died not in line of duty, such as Sergeant Ken Hawkins of DPS and Tucson Officer Joseph Olguin.

Responding to tragedies is what most people think of when they think of the 100 Club, but there is so much more we do. This month we helped sponsor the FBINAA Law Enforcement Convention and the International Chaplains Association Conference, both in the Phoenix area. With the 100 Club’s support, expert speakers and presenters trained several hundred officers and chaplains in the latest techniques and issues facing our public safety.

We don’t know why this May brought such great tragedies but in any case, the 100 Club is always ready to help those in need. We are proud to stand behind the men and women who stand behind the badge.

Update: Since this was published, we lost another Officer. On May 26, 2011 Globe Police Officer Matthew Schell lost his life in a single vehicular accident. This sad and tragic accident takes another hero from us, and we will be responding to his family with assistance in the coming days and weeks.